The forgotten superpower
Identity is such a
forgotten superpower that I wonder if we truly allow ourselves to discover (self)—safely without the pressure from the “idea of” or what “others think” getting in the way.
✿ Remember, my paradigm is filtered through the Christian faith. I believe there is one way and only one way, and that’s in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Holiness is the standard!
Lean into the pause…
I’ve been pondering the idea of “giving up too easily.” Asking myself tough questions about myself at every phase. I’ve settled on the fact that this is a part of the journey that does not end… circling back to the reality that the ride never truly stops. I find it interesting that the poem God impressed upon my heart at the beginning of the divine disruption, after yielding to the reintroduction of himself during my hospitalization from a panic attack (2016), is displayed as I continue to walk.
I can not deny God’s presence in the midst of him removing the pressure of performance. I don’t have to be anything else but present. I return to “the moment I think I know, I truly don’t.” Life has become my journal. Each decision made an ink stain on an empty page. My reflections overwrite a once-discovered phrase, mixed with tears, of a never-ending rough draft. Dancing in between lines, wondering why I used a permanent marker instead of a pencil. Hardcover bound outlining a soft interior, woven into the seams—fear of the Lord.
I crave truth. A truth only our Father in heaven can provide. Self-discovery is only safe from the arms of his perspective. It’s an ongoing journey as I near seven years abroad—our complexities as humans are vast. God, the master craftsman, can not be boxed in or contained. Remember, his thoughts are not our thoughts, nor his ways our ways. The entire universe speaks to the grandness of his presence. Of course, it does. He created it. Why do we think we’re any different? Not to compare (cause that’s crazy to see ourselves as God… no, no, no), but as the one he carefully crafted from dust or rib, breathing into us life. He molded us from clay as we remain on the potter’s wheel. ✿ Isaiah 64:8; Jeremiah 18: 1-4.
18-32 are defining years. With a lot of humility, I must admit we know nothing, even at the core of our best intentions. Just a handful of collections of memories and moments that continue to alter depending on our ability to become still enough to hear the voice of the Lord. No pressure. It’s in innate behavior before internal noise. Everyone has an opinion! It’s not a matter of feelings. All that matters is what GOD says. All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right (2 Timothy 3:16).
It’s the bible for me. Everything we need is found within it. The key is not to try to make it fit into our limited understanding. Interpretation is not about feelings; it’s about God’s holiness. Remember, holiness is the standard. Our experiences can create a faulty paradigm, attaching itself to every word spoken over us or to us. This world is spiritual. Ephesians 6 makes that clear. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). That’s what the bible says. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up (Galatians 6:9). Who does God say we are? That’s where our self-discovery thrives.
Let’s lean into the pause and remove the pressure. As attractive as the word vulnerability is becoming, it’s never easy exposing the parts of your heart that are d i s g u s t i n g. The question becomes, why hide when God already knows ✿ Hebrews 4:13.
All the pieces of us don’t have to be discarded. Remember ✿ Exodus 31? God made Bezalel a master craftsman at EVERY CRAFT. Our story is written, for it is already finished; it’s up to us to discover it. ✿ Proverbs 3:5-6.
✿ Pay attention to the themes, patterns, numbers, colors, and threads that continue to come back when you find yourself back at the bottom of the mountain, ready to climb up again.
Biblically, clothes are symbolic of identity. Whenever I discover something new within myself or iron out an already scribed phrase, God deals with me on my wardrobe. I started writing this during the Next in Fashion episode childhood reimaged—perfect timing and finalizing as I watch a new movie—Faraway, on Netflix—the irony. Sometimes we must step away to reevaluate with rested eyes and new wisdom from experiences on the journey. Where do we go from here? I am going to keep walking. In this pause, I’ll write my way through it per usual, finish outstanding client projects, and buy a sewing machine. In the reflections of this digital journal entry, I’ve learned, I only give up when God says pivot. The pivot is a continuation of a previous conversation finally making sense at this phase of maturity. 19-year-old me could NEVER! Instead, let’s celebrate our wins. I am proud of what the young Janae envisioned, even when limited and immature. Her willingness to keep going even when God said to release some aspects of self that didn’t fit the final description of his musings of me transcribed into eternity. The good news is the equation is already solved. We must keep walking, evolving, becoming, releasing, asking hard questions about ourselves to ourselves, and trusting God.
Signed the accountability partner you didn’t know you needed,